Fathers

Savinu here...
If you read Pangs previous post- you know my father and I do not get along- yes it is because we are very much alike. He and I both have very strong characters and DO NOT know how to stay shut. I learned that from young- as a result of my anger towards him I used to speak out. We are Dominican- Dominican men are machistas (most of them)... my father is no exception. He was very assertive, set in his ways, the man is the KING OF THE CASTLE (in a Borat voice). Some of the things he expected was just ridiculous. I mean I can admit, after a while some of the beatings I got I deserved because I just came out my face with him- it was the only way to get across to him... BUT there are just some instances that I will never understand. Here is an example: One day I was ironing clothes (some were mine and some were his and my moms) and there were some dirty dishes- he said something about the dirty dishes- hinting for me to wash them... doesn't seem like a big deal right? ::BUZZER NOISE:: WRONG! I went to do the dishes and then he said something to me about leaving the ironing half way... WTF?! Either way I was going to get in trouble.
You know, people talk shit about the drug dealers in my neighborhood- but let me tell you, those dealers are people too- and I never really felt threatened by them, here is a good example why. There are things I can look past and then there are things that I just can't. I've been to therapy- TWICE because of my dad and I've learned to forgive and try again with him for MOST THINGS, this one I will not. I had braces- my father and I were in one of our scuffles. These fights we had were pretty intense- running around the house (obviously me running away from him)- locking of doors (usually me locking myself in the bathroom or the room to get away from him)- jumping over beds, the whole nine- he finally caught me, against the entrance door and punched me twice in the mouth. I now have blood on my pajamas and feel the imprints of my braces on the inside of my mouth. My little 4'11 mother is behind him trying to stop him (stopping an angry person is NOT easy, anger makes people turn into HULKS). She is asking him to stop and finally says if you are going to hit her don't hit her on her mouth, she has braces and it cuts- THEN HE STOPS, turns around to her and tells her in Spanish that is the reason why he is doing it. WHOA WHOA WHOA. Like I said, I can forgive him for a lot but for purposely wanting to cut my mouth- I won't. While he turned around I took the opportunity to RUN out the house with my blood stained mouth and my pajamas and walked around aimlessly- I felt safer in the street then my own house. I ended up two blocks up from my house when a dealer who recognized me from walking around stopped me in awe. He told me he knows I don't know him like that but he cannot let me walk around like that and asked me what happened. I was a wreck, besides the blood on my face I had puffy eyes and I was walking in PAJAMAS. I told him I had an altercation at home with my dad and then he asked me if I lived alone with him. I told him no, that my mom was probably home calming him down and that I will be good to go back home tonight, just not at the moment. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere so that I'm not in the streets, but I couldn't walk around in public the way that I was and I wasn't going to go to his house or go somewhere private with him so we sat at the stoops of building and just chit chat till I decided to go back home- he walked me to my block and that was it. He never made a pass at me- never made me feel uncomfortable. I see him every now and again, when I walk and we just flash each other this look, along with a smile- because we know whats up. I thank him anytime we actually exchange words- not only for that day but for not spreading my business around after that... each time he tells me "don't worry about it".
My father obviously doesn't hit me anymore but we still have our differences. We get along more now because I do not live there. He calls me just to chit chat now and stuff- but his old self still rises.
My boyfriend's family is very different from mine. VERY DIFFERENT- I guess a lot has to do with culture, I have 3089398984 cousins, he has like two... that he hardly sees. Then again, to us Dominicans everyone is our "primo". I don't agree with some of his families ways- and it bothers me alot. I don't know how to be in a relationship where I am not close with the family of my other. It's uncomfortable and I wish it wasn't that way but I have learned to just let it be. Out of respect for him I will not get into specifics but I need to give a little something so that you readers can understand the situation. His father is just not there- I mean he is but he isn't. We've made trips to Canada (where his father lives) and have not seen him, both times we went. His father is full of what I call empty promises and it takes its toll on him because he craves that mans acceptance (which I do not think he should, his father doesn't deserve all the effort)... and in conversation he told me that he knows what my father did to me was horrible but that sometimes he prefers that because at least my father is still there. HMMMM.... We all know- not all abuse is physical.