Turning 21- I mean 25

Savinu here...

I have a confession...

I'm not really 21 like I have been for four years

I AM TURNING 25 IN A MONTH AND A HALF :-X.

Where have the years gone? I still remember being 20 and counting down the months before I turned 21 for the first time.

I have always said that when I turn 25 and 30 I need to celebrate BIG and different. Every year I throw myself a party (I seem to be the one who always falls in charge of planning the birthday parties). 25- I wanted a party and then some.

I am broke- la economia esta mala (translation: the economy is bad)- I am suppose to be saving to help pay for a wedding... what could I possibly do that wouldn't involve me having to sell an organ to get out of debt?

In comes the little sister with her love of studying abroad. She went to Australia last year, it seemed like a wonderful experience BUT the flight alone was enough for me to have to collect soda cans for 10 years, I then had to consider eating, travel, and money to do ANYTHING. So I didn't go.

Australia was not enough for the little one. This year she is going to IRELAND for a semester. I fell in love with Ireland after watching P.S. I Love You (what a beautiful movie). When she first mentioned it I said if the flights were affordable I would have gone BUT I was suppose to be in the Police Academy so I probably was not going to be able to go :o(.

On NY1: As part of Bloomburg's cut back plans the Police Academy class for January 2009 has been cancelled. I was DEVI STATED. I passed up a job offer for this, I planned everything around the fact that January I would be going into the Academy. After being bummed for a few days- I remembered... IRELAND. I looked up the flights- 294 dollars round trip. I AM GOING TO IRELAND FOR MY 25TH BIRTHDAY!

WOO HOO!

Even better news- THAT GIRL, whose birthday is 2 days before mine (same year) heard about my plans and decided for her 25th she will be joining in on the trip! YES!

IRELAND- HERE WE COME!

Family Matters

Long time no write…Well here it goes (I need to vent)…

We all have family situation, but here is mine: I have 2 blood sisters and 3 stepsiblings. My sister Mother is just a year younger than I but acts like my mother that’s why I call her ‘mother’ and then my youngest sis Bootylisious is just that, all over her and only her.

Bootylisious pretends to care only about her and only her, fine by me I’ll act the same, so we barely cross words if not necessary bc although SassyDaisy is nice SassyDaisy got spunk on her (don’t mess w/SassyDaisy) lol

Mother my issue w/she is infinite, she always criticizing me from the way I ground my son HBK (Heart Break Kid) to the food I have in my fridge. I always just let it go bc I feel bad that I might hurt her, she’s very sensitive you see…so I just keep quiet…

Buuut this past Sunday I got tired. I was very at peace w/HBK entire day to have them come in and start arguing so I snapped very subtle none of the less held my self back a lot. Here how the convo went:

Mother: Aqui nunca hay jugos bueno (there is never good juice here)
SassyDaisy: then buy it for me
Mother: you have to buy it, it’s your house
SassyDaisy: exactly, I’ll remember to have to good juice for you
Mother: not even water
SassyDaisy: Don’t drink it
Mother: you never have good juice
SassyDaisy: neither do you
Mother: yes we do
SassyDaisy: right your man makes sure you don’t buy brand name juice and your bad ice tea
Mother: that’s not the point, we buy better juices
Sassy daisy: ok, you’re better than me, all of you are…

I was doing rolos for La Dona (my actual mother) and she defended her saying how ‘nobody cant tell me anything’ I snapped at her too, nicely though she can still Fuck me up if she wants too lol, ‘you are always telling me something, but when I say something I’m being mean, it needs to stop’ that’s was the end of it..

Sounds stupid but its annoying that I can not even buy what I like in my house. I was mad, but then 5 minutes later I’m doing her hair too..lol. I don’t keep grudges, not good for my soul!!

Has anyone felt like you are never good enough, like you never earn enough, like you never do anything right?? Although, all you’ve done in your life is being the top of your class; the one that actually graduated college; the one that’s achieving her masters; the one that pays her own bills and don’t have to ask La Dona for bailout on credit cards like some of my siblings have…have you??

BC I feel like I’m the only one…that’s why I have come to the conclusion many years ago that I will create my own world for HBK and I…and it has worked so far… maybe that’s why I haven’t let a man really really in my heart…


-SassyDaisy

P.S. I never do her rolos well neither…La Dona didn’t forget to mention that at the end!

Part of the package?

COLD DAY IN NEW YORK CITY!

I know... the cartoon is kind of f*cked up...

Here goes nothing...

In Laws have an infamous reputation for a reason I guess. I have had an experience with every member of the boyfriends immediate family that has left a bad taste in my mouth. His family is not big, he has a mom, a dad, and a sister. The latest happened with the sister. 

This year I am unemployed. 

I am trying to help out with the wedding as much as I could- I don't want to go into debt over the wedding. 

I am going to Ireland for 3 weeks for my 25th birthday with THAT GIRL. (WOO HOO) 

Usually I splurge on whoever I am dating when I can. Last year I spent $500 on him getting him the game system he wanted plus accessories. This year my budget was 120-150 max. I felt bad my limit was so low so I had to make it special!He had been dying for THE DARK KNIGHT DVD since it was in the theaters. He spoke about it for months and imitated the joker on a almost daily basis. It came out on DVD early December- PERFECT! (I know, its sad the thing I was most excited about getting was valued at 20 bucks lol). Last year for Christmas his sister got him a video game that he hasn't even unwrapped. I decided to put a list together for them of things he wanted so their money is well spent rather then wasted. In the email I listed the three things I bought him, and specified that they DO NOT get them. I then listed over 10 games and movies he wanted.

His mother is going away for Christmas so they went over this Saturday to have dinner and exchange presents. I flaked- I prefer to go hang out with my sisters... (I guess you will see why, his family and I are very different).He gets home extremely excited that his sister got him THE DARK KNIGHT! WTF?! I asked him to tell me what else she got him... Nothing else that was on the list was purchased... The one thing that was purchased was one of the three things I specified not to get. Its not like they didn't know, if you can't tell from my blogs- things I emphasize I write in capital letters.I couldn't... I lost it.

I cry when I am angry.

• His mother wrote me an unnecessarily nasty email- I didn't cry.
• His sister got him THE DARK KNIGHT- I cried.

No, I didn't cry over the DVD itself. His sister pissed me off. I didn't know how much clearer I could have been about not getting him the three things I listed without treating them like idiots (I hate it when people do it to me). I was very exited about giving him that DVD, I knew how bad he wanted it... I would even mess with him that someone might have gotten it for him but couldn't tell him who.

I couldn't believe I was suppose to be marrying into this family. Family is very important to me and I am not comfortable with being considered part of his. Their family morals are a little different then the ones my parents raised me with I guess. (Separate blog topic ?)I have my opinions because of things they have done to him- but I will only list the ones that involve me:

• His sister pulled this stunt. She doesn't think he is happy with me.
• His mother disagreed with something I did and decided the best way to respond to my apology (which I didn't have to do) was to write an insulting email. (She now sees she was out of line and apologized).
• I've made two trips out to Canada- both times his father has decided to not see us. I've met the man once- he was forced by his ex wife (bfs mother) to come and MEET the girl his son was suppose to marry.

I don't tell my family about most of my problems with the boyfriend but they saw me crying on the phone- I had to tell them what was going on. They enjoy the boyfriend but tell me that you marry the family as well as marrying the man. Lord, help me.

My mother sat me down for a talk- she said she wanted to stay out of it (which she has been doing well with lately) but that as a mother needed to get this off of her chest. In a Hispanic family when a man marries a woman it is sort of like the family is giving away the daughter to the family of the man... In this case she is not comfortable leaving me in the hands of that family. WOMP WOMP WOMP.

STOP! Don't shoot!

It's a snow day in NYC!

Today I got pissed at my boyfriend because we were playing video games- a zombie one and I jokingly asked if I could shoot him and pointed my gun at him. He said no (I wasn't going to do it anyway, if I shot him he would be hurt and then who would protect me during the game?!) One of our dumb dogs decides to jump on my lap and BANG!

I shot him :-X.

It was a mistake (I swear).

Do you know what he did back? YOU GUESSED IT- He shot me back.

YES I GOT PISSED. I gave him my control and didn't want to play anymore. I might sound like a baby but I don't like people who don't play fair and he shot me knowingly.

On another note... The boyfriend knows about this blog- but doesn't really check it. Well he checked it the day I wrote that engagement ring blog. He kept asking questions like "so if I don't ask soon you are going to say no?". I didn't really answer but he kept probing and asking- so I said yes. It turned into an argument and then he takes out the ring, gets on one knee and asks me to marry him- IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS HEATED DISCUSSION. ::PUMP THE BREAKS::

I will NOT be engaged this way. He acts like I asked for it. If you can't hack my blog then don't read it! He gets upset at the thought of me having one he doesn't know about but he will drive me to that point.

Needless to say- I gave him the ring back, that is no way to remember your re engagement (?). I want him to ask me the right way. He also said he originally had something planned for new years lol. WOOPS. Sassy Daisy- you were right!
*Savinu

He loves me, he loves me not

UGH...

I don't know what to do with myself...

Here goes my side of the story.

My boyfriend (?) and I went through something in September- something that made me call off the engagement and go back to my moms house. Out of respect to the lurking boyfriend lol, I will not write what the problem was. Any who... I went back to my mothers house and left the ring at the apartment him and I share. Yeah yeah it might sound fucked up but the original fight was not the only reason why I left the ring behind. Anyone who knows my family and has been to my house knows that there is a black hole in that apartment. I'm not kidding. Things dissappear there and NEVER show up again. Ever. I was not about to loose that ring and never see it again. I wasn't going to wear it either- that ring is a conversation starter and I really didn't want to talk about my engagement or my used to be fiance.

After two weeks of this- I came back to our home, we spoke, worked out our problem and decided the wedding was still on! That happened in September- its about the be Christmas and I STILL DONT HAVE MY ENGAGEMENT RING! WTF??? He keeps saying he wants to ask me again but seriously- 3 months? Here I am asking my parents for wedding payment money and I still don't have my engagement ring. He tells me to keep planning the wedding but never asks me to marry him again. I realllly think this is unfair. If we both decided (mainly him) that the wedding was still on and we are still booking and making payments then why the helll have you not asked me yet? I keep giving people the run around that my ring is getting fixed but people aren't stupid, it doesn't take 3 months to fix a ring.

SAY UNCLE!

On a night out with my very single sister Pang, who seems to be a magnet for hicks... Or as I like to call them AUTHENTIC Dominicans (please, don't give me that look- these are my people lol), I get these texts... from a guy who we will call Sir.

Sir is one of the men I have been involved with. He is the uncle of a friend. Yes, you read right, an UNCLE of a friend. At the time I met him (I was 21) and he was 38. A good looking, well groomed and kept 38 year old. A young version of George Cloony? The man owns an apartment in a well known and expensive hotel in one of the most expensive parts of the city, the view from his apartment is crazy. The two cars he owns total in almost $400,000. The man landed himself a job- he wasn't born into money... And has made the life he has wanted for himself, which I have to admire any hard working person for.
We started hanging out, nice dinners, rides in the convertable, trips to museums, cozying up in the apartment and doing things grown ups do. Conversations with him were obviously better then ones you would have with a at the time fellow 21 year old, I mean the man was almost twice my age (eeeek). He honestly became a good friend, giving me good insight on situations or just giving me a place to relax when I needed it.

Why did it never go anywhere? We hung out every weekend- even in public with the friends. I mean we never made it obvious but people knew- we arrived to and left places together. The man made it clear that he didn't want to get married, and was not ready for a relationship. It was actually one of the conversations we had on our first dinner date. There were also minor things here and there- I felt like I couldn't be a kid with him. I like to watch TV in bed- I sometimes can't fall asleep without it and he is a firm believer in no TV in the bedroom.

A few weeks ago, on my way to a party I see him in a parking lot... With a girl. Pretty girl she was (is). I went in to say hello (didn't want to be rude). He introduced me to his GIRL FRIEND and told me it was nice seeing me and we each went on our merry way. While I'm out in front of the club waiting to get in a get a text from Sir telling me how beautiful I still am. I thank him, tell him his girl is pretty and put my phone away. Why is he texting me this? I know he is still with her... NOT COOL and very disrespectful to her.

Wellllll its Saturday night at 2 something in the morning and I get an I miss you text from him. And then another in Spanish. Another again this time with a when can I see you? At the end of it. The texts kept coming in...
He knows I am engaged, wished me well on it and everything and was happy I moved on after my last break up- he was one of the people I spoke to a lot, he had a lot of good advice to offer and had a way of lifting my spirits, or atleast occupying my time with good company and expensive dinners (no it wasn't always about sex, especially at that time). I met his girlfriend too, he had to like her a lot if she made it to the exclusive dating- and making it public.

Men...
Maybe he had a moment?
Maybe he is finding the girl to not be intriguing anymore?
Bored in the bedroom? She didn't look like the kind of girl that will bore him in the bedroom...
My sister had this guy tell her that all men are cheaters. Whoa Whoa Whoa.

Popping my tagging cherry

Savinu here and I HAVE BEEN TAGGED by THAT GIRL! I dont even know how this works... can you tell I am a blogging blondie?
Here goes nothing...
Here goes nothing... I was tagged by Mich at Who is Mich? (sweet blog)

1. Were you named after anyone?

YES- after a spanish ballad singers wife's nick name lol. I won't give details... defeats the purpose of Savinu


2. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes- I had tonsillitis last month. An infection on something that is suppose to help you fight infections? ERF...

3. Would you bungee jump?

No but I will sky dive. Don't ask, I am weird like that.


4. What is your favorite cereal?


Honey Bunches of Oats- the yellow box!


5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?


If needed, if not then nope.


6. What is your favorite ice cream?

I've been hooked on java chip.


7. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Teeth and shoes. I think shoes say a lot about the person.

8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

My boobies are small.


9. What was the last thing you ate?


Tofu and Broccoli in Garlic Sauce with Brown rice- my boo put me on to the little local chinese spot he is addicted to lol.


10. What are you listening to right now?


The fan blowing


11. Last movie you watched?


I started watching Resident Evil 2 but wasn't feeling it


12. What did you dream about last night?


I have no idea.


13. What book are you reading?


I WANT TO read The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao


14. Summer or winter?

I am a Caribbean baby, bring on the heat !


15. Do you have any special talents?

Iceskating?

Well... this was fun lol.

Fathers

Savinu here...
If you read Pangs previous post- you know my father and I do not get along- yes it is because we are very much alike. He and I both have very strong characters and DO NOT know how to stay shut. I learned that from young- as a result of my anger towards him I used to speak out. We are Dominican- Dominican men are machistas (most of them)... my father is no exception. He was very assertive, set in his ways, the man is the KING OF THE CASTLE (in a Borat voice). Some of the things he expected was just ridiculous. I mean I can admit, after a while some of the beatings I got I deserved because I just came out my face with him- it was the only way to get across to him... BUT there are just some instances that I will never understand. Here is an example: One day I was ironing clothes (some were mine and some were his and my moms) and there were some dirty dishes- he said something about the dirty dishes- hinting for me to wash them... doesn't seem like a big deal right? ::BUZZER NOISE:: WRONG! I went to do the dishes and then he said something to me about leaving the ironing half way... WTF?! Either way I was going to get in trouble.
You know, people talk shit about the drug dealers in my neighborhood- but let me tell you, those dealers are people too- and I never really felt threatened by them, here is a good example why. There are things I can look past and then there are things that I just can't. I've been to therapy- TWICE because of my dad and I've learned to forgive and try again with him for MOST THINGS, this one I will not. I had braces- my father and I were in one of our scuffles. These fights we had were pretty intense- running around the house (obviously me running away from him)- locking of doors (usually me locking myself in the bathroom or the room to get away from him)- jumping over beds, the whole nine- he finally caught me, against the entrance door and punched me twice in the mouth. I now have blood on my pajamas and feel the imprints of my braces on the inside of my mouth. My little 4'11 mother is behind him trying to stop him (stopping an angry person is NOT easy, anger makes people turn into HULKS). She is asking him to stop and finally says if you are going to hit her don't hit her on her mouth, she has braces and it cuts- THEN HE STOPS, turns around to her and tells her in Spanish that is the reason why he is doing it. WHOA WHOA WHOA. Like I said, I can forgive him for a lot but for purposely wanting to cut my mouth- I won't. While he turned around I took the opportunity to RUN out the house with my blood stained mouth and my pajamas and walked around aimlessly- I felt safer in the street then my own house. I ended up two blocks up from my house when a dealer who recognized me from walking around stopped me in awe. He told me he knows I don't know him like that but he cannot let me walk around like that and asked me what happened. I was a wreck, besides the blood on my face I had puffy eyes and I was walking in PAJAMAS. I told him I had an altercation at home with my dad and then he asked me if I lived alone with him. I told him no, that my mom was probably home calming him down and that I will be good to go back home tonight, just not at the moment. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere so that I'm not in the streets, but I couldn't walk around in public the way that I was and I wasn't going to go to his house or go somewhere private with him so we sat at the stoops of building and just chit chat till I decided to go back home- he walked me to my block and that was it. He never made a pass at me- never made me feel uncomfortable. I see him every now and again, when I walk and we just flash each other this look, along with a smile- because we know whats up. I thank him anytime we actually exchange words- not only for that day but for not spreading my business around after that... each time he tells me "don't worry about it".
My father obviously doesn't hit me anymore but we still have our differences. We get along more now because I do not live there. He calls me just to chit chat now and stuff- but his old self still rises.
My boyfriend's family is very different from mine. VERY DIFFERENT- I guess a lot has to do with culture, I have 3089398984 cousins, he has like two... that he hardly sees. Then again, to us Dominicans everyone is our "primo". I don't agree with some of his families ways- and it bothers me alot. I don't know how to be in a relationship where I am not close with the family of my other. It's uncomfortable and I wish it wasn't that way but I have learned to just let it be. Out of respect for him I will not get into specifics but I need to give a little something so that you readers can understand the situation. His father is just not there- I mean he is but he isn't. We've made trips to Canada (where his father lives) and have not seen him, both times we went. His father is full of what I call empty promises and it takes its toll on him because he craves that mans acceptance (which I do not think he should, his father doesn't deserve all the effort)... and in conversation he told me that he knows what my father did to me was horrible but that sometimes he prefers that because at least my father is still there. HMMMM.... We all know- not all abuse is physical.

Some words from Pang

Sooo this is my first post on this blog. I am trying to think of what I can write about. But needless to say there is ALWAYS something to say!

Like my sis Savinu has already mentioned... I have kind of sort of come out of a shell after this damn break-up. I feel like I need to be out all the time, otherwise I sit in my room thinking too much and although it's nothing terrible going through my head, sometimes I can't bear. I am so used to thinking ahead and planning my future and I really don't have the answers to much of anything now a days. I am just kind of going with the flow. It's not easy!!! It takes so much effort for me to just let things be... ugh! At 26 I always thought I would have my life sorted out and completely put together. Let me tell you--- that is NOT the case... It kinda freaks me out sometimes!

The bond between a group of girls is something else. I am re-learning that now. I have always had my gurls, but never shared secrets or deep thoughts with my crew (my sisters, my friends, my family, my sorors). I always had my man for that. He was great at keeping "secrets" and being neutral. I could tell him ANYTHING, even about "us". I know girls can be petty and sensitive (me included), so I always felt like I had to protect my business from too much criticism and opinions. Now that shyt is ALLLL out the window. I kind of feel vulnerable and completely liberated! How ironic is that?! But hey, that's life I say... Sometimes I feel completely out of my element. Like me telling this dude (1TRAIN) the things I've told him. Or me telling my sisters that I want to do him so bad :0x

Anyways... our "Girls Night Out" drinking events have always been good, there is great conversation and too many laughs and everything in between. I can only imagine they will get better from here on out :0)



~~~


My 2 cents on the CINCO gurls....



My sis 'Savinu'-growing up we have almost never been on the same page. Not just with our personal lives, but with almost everything. Seriously. Some things just don't change. I have just learned to let her live her life the way she feels she needs to. I don't understand her and I don't try to. Some people just aren't so easy decipher. She is one of them. You see her one way and then get to know her a little more and the real person comes out. We always say she is JUST like my dad and that's why they don't get along too well. In any case, we are both adults. Although I don't agree with most of her ways, it's really none of my business to tell another person how to live their life- including my sis. So I just stay out of it if it doesn't particularly pertain to me. It seems to be working lol

After this break up, she just so happens to be around most of the time and is conveniently available to me when I want to brag about kissing boys or any "extra" information. She has been then one to witness this new change in me and also snap some sense into the naive single girl I can be. Gosh, this is NOT easy!!! I hate playing games. I am too honest for all that shyt. Once you start lying, you have to keep lying to cover up the last lie. I can't bother to keep up... Anyways, she has been there- especially when I need a night out on the town... Needless to say we've been hanging out A LOT more recently :0)



My lil' sis (pick a name!!!)- We have always been close. I don't remember a time we never got along. She is my heart. I feel like a role model to her. I am definitely play the 'big sister' role with her. We don't talk too much about personal stuff (ie: boys), but the bond is totally there. When I lived in Ohio she would visit me pretty often and cook and clean for me. I used to call her my little housewife lol. I would come home from work to great home cooked meals. I am talking about fancy shyt. Yum! She's good in the kitchen. Me, not so much. But ummmm, yea... she is 20 and not so much a little girl anymore. I think I will always call her my little sister, even when I am 60 lol. She is much more mature than other 20 year olds I know. She knows what she wants in life and is very level headed. I am curious to see what this blog will be like for her... (que puya! lol)



SassyDaisy - She's my sister's friend and my other "single" buddy. We are kind of going through the motions of this dating thing. We share our funny boy stories, and those not so funny ones. This dating thing takes some getting used to man! She is a mom, but on the weekend's she ours! lol



My cuzzo "SON"-(for now) When it comes to family, we do everything together. We celebrate events together, we go on family vacations together, we go to the park together, we go to Atlantic City weekend getaways together... you get the idea. So we kind of grew up together, and we deff get a lot of dancing out of our systems together. Ever since we were 14 years old going to "Teen Parties" at Copa. We haven't stopped clubbin' together since then lol. Oh yea, she did mention that I have become more "fun" since the break-up. I guess by default I've just been more available and been hanging out a lot more... the best thing---> SHE LIKES BEER JUST AS MUCH AS I DO! I can count on SON to enjoy a drink with me ANYTIME. She is also a very funny drunk. So needless to say she is great to have around lol...



That's my side of the story and I'm stickin' to it bythces!


-Pang