EL PRODIGIO

I have been told I am very diverse- I grew up in a ghetto neighborhood but don't speak, dress, or act like it. I guess I don't have that swagger. I haven't lived up to any of the stereo types of the people who I have grown up with:

• I have never sold or tried any drugs
• I have my BA
• I don't have ANY kids, and I am 25 (most of my friends children are already 5)

I grew up in a very DOMINICAN neighborhood and one thing that has not been able to escape me is as most of those who know me- I love music, and my favorite is Merengue Tipico. I LOVE ME SOME PERICO RIPIAO. So what- I am a Dominican Hill Billy at heart, whatever man- my roots are my roots and I love that shit.

I have this obsession with the accordion- like I can't listen to a merengue with an accordion in it and not move some part of my body- bop my head, clap my hands, tap my feet, or shake the shoulder...

Last night I went to go see EL PRODIGIOOOOOOOO. <3> WHAT A PERFORMANCE.

There has been talk about him being one of the best accordionist in the world, that his competitors are Geovanny Polanco and Kerube from what was Kerubanda. I am sorry to my cousin who loves Kerubanda... EL PRODIGIO WINS.

WOW that man blew me out the water.

It was so good I had to blog about it and I am trying to go see him again this weekend. YES he was that good.

I know most of you are wondering what is happening in the personal life of Savinu but the boyfriend knows about this blog there for I am considering starting a new one- if so I will notify you personally.

TOOTLES

I am a Democrat - I don't like Bushes

Hello all- from Ireland.

So I had a conversation with my sister PANG yesterday about her love life happenings during my absence. She mentioned one guy she has been seeing has not really been responsive and she is- in effort to not sleep with any one- going to let her BUSH grow.

Excuse me while I gather myself from laughing so hard...

...

...

LMFAO

...

WHEW!

Alright... I had a bad experience with a waxing once so from now on I shave... on a regular... I can't stand body hair, especially anything too serious down there. Even when I am not sleeping with someone, for my own personal comfort- I shave... because I don't like Bushes- of human or vaginal, fuck it- even on men it is a turn off- TRIM THAT SHIT.

So I guess I can understand her methodology with this one- if I had a bush I wouldn't fornicate either.

The things women do- I love it.

LADIES- what else have you done in an effort to not have sex???

Quiet 25th

First off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THAT GIRL who also turned 25 two days ago- I can't wait to read up on how she celebrated!

My birthday this year is a quiet one. I went to lunch with the little sis today- she gave me three birthday vouchers- one was for free lunch at this place called Delish. I took my camera and left the memory card in the computer... good work Savinu.

Tonight we are having a few friends over for some food- and maybe hit up the school bar. The real party is on Friday- at a club in Limerick City. Stay tuned. I met a cutie who I took a video of him making out with some chick of when I met him who is suppose to be showing up- along with a bouncer I met sometime last week. Yes, Savinu is pimping in Ireland. No worries, no hook-ups though...

Which leads me to the following. Today I wrote the boyfriend an e-mail expressing how I feel about the situation between him and I. I have gotten the opportunity to get a look outside the box while I am here and although I do love him, he and I have not been doing so well recently. We are so young in the relationship- it shouldn't be this hard. He usually realizes he has fucked up once he has REALLY fucked up, with the recent happenings I have lost a little of myself and when I realized that- that's when I realize he has lost me, or some of me.

Another thing that has been happening that takes a minor role in this is how I am enjoying speaking to other people rather then speaking to the boyfriend. I am looking forward to getting back to the states (note: I am not home sick nor am I wanting to leave Ireland, on the contrary- I was trying to get a working Visa) so that I can hang out with Fitness, my best friend the break dancer is coming to town in March, and most importantly... MY GIRLS- I am dying to party with my girls. No where in there does it mention the boyfriend. :-\

Thinking of leaving Ireland is making me sad lol...

Moving on- Americans are not very liked over here...
Someone on the bus mentioned something bad about our BLACK president.
A guy spit on one of my little sisters friends neck because he said he was American.
WTF.
Ignorance is not tolerated... I wanted to fuck that guy up. Not very lady like, I know.

UPDATE: I just spoke to the boyfriend- I do miss him and I hope things do get better but I can't play blind. This trip has opened my eyes.

Update- in IRELAND

HELLO ALL!

Today it SNOWED in Ireland lol- that's odd here apparently.

I am making this brief-ish... just wanted to update you all on what has been happening.

Ireland is beautiful in every sense of the word. The country side is breathtaking- the Cliffs of Moher has been thus far the best experience of my life. I thought before I needed beach and sun to find something beautiful- Ireland has changed that theory for me.

It rains here and the rain does not even bother me. Compared to the experience over all the rain is minute. And I treat it as such.

I considered getting a working visa and staying out here for the remainder of the little sis stay and apparently, they don't offer those to Americans. Americans are frowned upon in Europe lol. WOMP WOMP. So I now say I am Spaniard.

The city of Limerick is small but cute. There are signs on the pavement that tell you were to look before you cross. I had to pay .20 Euros to use the bathroom in the city, you have to pay for bags here but I guess it serves its purpose... people carry canvas bags and reuse them. I bought one myself lol- I want to be down with the locals.

The people here have bad oral hygiene. I guess they aren't forced to see the dentist every 6 months like we are in America.

The girls here dress like hoochies to the clubs... Eye Candy for you fellas...

I am leaving out a lot because most the people who read this blog already know how my vacation has been- and read my note on Facebook lol.

I will post this story up anyway:
"SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! We go to Flannery's
FREE FINGER FOODS @ HALF TIME
Great because I was hungry- its half time at superbowl in Ireland, I'll bend the rule and have some fried food if I have to.
I look on the plate to see what is vegetarian... I spot some rolls and ask what is in it... some one responds it is a spring roll (they think). I bite the top off to inspect the contents, and there is something suspicious. A substance that could be meat- I immediately spit out what is in my mouth in a empty beer glass. And give the rest of my "spring roll" to one of the guys with us. He laughs at what I just did and asks me why- I tell him I am a vegetarian and that spring roll might have meat. He agrees and tells me that the fellow next to him is a also a vegetarian and is eating this brown thing. the lil sis is eating one too and tells me she thinks it has no meat and that it taste like the stuff Kipe (the dominican fried food) is made of. I grab one and eat it. It taste like a straight up Kipe and I start to question the substance. Lil sis and the vegetarian assure me that it has no meat. I eat two. My curiosity kills me- and I need to know what is in it. It taste like meat, maybe they fried it in the same frier as some meat before? Well I ask one fellow and he asks why. I tell him I don't eat meat and his jaw drops, and informs me that is PURE meat. I gag. I tell the other veg and he says we need to find out what is in this and we go ask another local and he tells us it is different parts of ground pig. I ATE FRIED GROUND PIG MEAT. I wanted to die.
I almost threw up and sat down. I felt so sick to my stomach at the fact that I ate meat that I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up because I kept gagging... I didnt throw it all up. TMI- I know.
So to those of you who ask if I will ever eat meat again, if I get this feeling from eating meat then I have to say the answer is probably NO.
I am sad :o("

On with my personal life:
the boyfriend admitted to reading my blog again and stepped his game up with a very sweet e-mail. Promising change when I return and saying he now understands where my anxiety was coming from before. We have been through a lot in the past few months and I am so drained that I am just going to let nature takes its course. If it works, it works... if it doesn't then obviously it was not meant to be.
(Side note: I am dreading having to look at the wedding dress stored in my moms house- I actually love that dress so much now that I plan on wearing it to who ever I marry)

Fitness and I have been emailing back and forth- he is still pretty funny lol. I have called him a few times since I have been out here and he sounds like a little kid when I am on the phone with him and he finally admitted it is that he gets a little nervous sometimes. LOL how cute. I plan on hanging out with him when I get back, we have plans to go get some soup.

I miss my Morkie. A lot.

And the maltese at my moms.

I haven't spoken to the president but I guess I will meet up with him if I ever make it out to D.C.

IRELAND Weekend 1

I've been here for two days and all I have to say is Ireland is the shit.
I went into the city of Limerick yesterday- had lunch with the sis, shopped around, and paid .20 Euros to use the bathroom.
I went to a pub near the University of Limerick and saw this traditional Irish band perform. These people were rocking out like I do to Geovanny Polanco- it was definitely one cool ass experience.
Worth every broke penny...

Update before Ireland

Hello all...

I have been slacking on my blogging- that is because emotionally I guess I just haven't been ready to write. Having to live it is hard enough.

The boyfriend and I are no longer getting married. He has been going through many personal battles with in himself. I just found out he has not been on salary for a while and has been earning less then half of what he was making, and is struggling to keep up with the bills. During an arguement yesterday he threw it in my face that I know I have bills to pay and instead I am off buying myself shoes (which was my birthday gift to myself). I will probably be moving back in with my mom soon. Stay tuned to see what happens with this!

I have hung out with Fitness a few times since the last blog. I have really been enjoying his company- he is a funny dude :o). It is good to have someone make you smile- I haven't been smiling a lot lately.

I also hung out with the president. He made me dinner! It was kind of cute that he went out of his way to make a vegeterian dish.

I am off to Ireland today. A very much needed vacation. LITTLE SIS HERE I COME!!

Obama said I can

Great day, glorious day for America.

Obama is in office...

GO BARACK

And I am feeling good.

The situation at home is okay- still not great... but yesterday I finally felt at ease, no anxiety.

I am okay now with whatever happens, if things with the boyfriend don't work out I am okay with that. I guess I am hitting the selfish phase where it is all about me right now. I realized I DESERVE BETTER then what I have been going through. I took the time yesterday to finally stop worrying -and just do me.

I started by answering back to anyone who has hit me up. "You want to chill?" YES!
My friend the president (he was president of his school for two terms and is very much into politics- the man is good at what he does) has been asking me to hang out on a weekly basis, I have been telling him no. I made plans to hang out with him in a group before I depart.

Inspector (a guy I used to work with) who lives in D.C. has been asking me to go out to D.C. I am rallying up my girls and we will be road tripping it to Washington D.C. The president will actually be there for a few months as well so we will get to hang with him while we are there.

I have a friend who we will call Shrek (when I met him 6 years ago he told me his name was Shrek- suiting, the guy is big *muscular*... every since then I have called him Shrek). Last night I got on AOL for the first time in months and Shrek hit me up. He asked me how the wedding plans were coming along and I broke the news to him that the boyfriend had called the wedding off and that things at home were a little rough. He gave me a very inspirational talk, it was definitely uplifting. He knows me and knows that a good laugh can cure me, or at least distract me... yesterday and today he has been talking to me about everything BUT trouble in paradise. I mentioned it and his response "we'll discuss that another time. I just want you to enjoy your day, get your mind off of that". YES! I love my friends.

I also have a friend who we will call Fitness (he is a personal trainer and looks like he was a cast member of the movie 300), who has been asking me to go get a cup of coffee with him to just catch up and shoot the shit. I have been not paying attention every time he asks- I would say "I will let you know"... well tomorrow Fitness and I are getting coffee! or whatever it is, we are meeting up on West 4.

So hooray for me. I am very happy for myself right now. I am not in the perfect place- I know but I feel a lot better, and a lot more at ease. Whether this goes left, right, up, or down I am okay. I have no regrets- I feel a little liberated.

101 things about me

I have been finding the need to distract myself lately to keep my mind off a certain situation...

I saw THAT GIRL posted 101 things about herself...

I wanted to see if I could come up with 101 things about myself, here goes nothing...

1- I hate the cold
2- I can't sleep in heat
3- I was born one month premature
4- I have never tried any drugs
5- I am not lying about # 4
6- I have never been curious about drugs either
7- I believe my body is the only thing that is TRULY mine, therefore I try to take care of it.
8- I went to the army.
9- I got discharged during basic training for asthma.
10- I didn't know I had asthma until then, its exercise/cold induced.
11- I boxed before.
12- I had to stop boxing because of a cyst in my wrist.
13- I miss boxing.
14- I don't know how to play any intsrument.
15- I am extremely attached to my mother, she should have known... I used to follow her EVERYWHERE as a child, even to the bathroom.
16- Sometimes I feel I have been told too much about my parents relationship.
17- I have hit my father before, self defense. I am not proud of it.
18- I think my father is a hypocrite, and a very lonely man for it. I feel for him.
19- I am a vegetarian, have been for 4 years now.
20- I have been starving before with meat in front of me and haven't had the desire to eat it.
21- I've been offered $100 to eat a piece of steak and turned it down.
22- I don't like alcohol.
23- If I drink I usually have to take shots, gets the job done quick.
24- I got kissed by my older sister for New Years.
25- I wish my ex would still be my friend.
26- We aren't friends because he can't handle it.
27- If I was to get pregnant I think I would keep it now, before I wouldn't. (KEY WORD : THINK).
28- I am addicted to Left 4 Dead.
29- I have a best friend, we will call him break dancer- who if by 45 we aren't married to other people we are giving up and marrying each other.
30- I have 2 sisters, its a love/hate thing lol but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
31- With age my sisters have become my friends.
32- Son is my better half.
33- Sassy Daisy and I crossed paths a few years ago through a mutual friend and I wish it would have happened sooner. She is my moms adopted daughter.
34- I think I look better in underwear then with clothes.
35- Call me conceited but I like my smile.
36- I have nice eyes and I know it, I don't take them for granted.
37- I want to get a boob job.
38- 34, 35, and 36 make me sound like I think I'm hot but I am self conscience.
39- I would have never thought I would have tolerated what I have in the relationship I am currently in.
40- I wish I could wear Uggs all year around... Some people actually do it but I'm not going to look like an idiot for the sake of comfort.
41- I have two dogs, a cock-a-poo and a morkie.
42- My family owns a Maltese, who I swear must have been human in his past life.
43- I have slept with my fair share of men.
44- I have never been with a woman.
45- I don't have an interest, anything a woman can do to me a man can... And then some (they are equipped).
46- I think I have strong "game". I've bagged numbers while being out with other guys.
47- I did it just to see if I could have gotten away with it. It made for a good story.
48- I have a pillow I can't sleep without, I pick its corners... Its an ugly little thing. I've had it forever.
49- I've never been with more then one guy at once, and again- am not interested.
50- I have a tattoo... The tramp stamp on my lower back, ironically my tramp stamp is dedicated to my mother.
51- I plan on getting another tattoo where it isn't visible if I don't want it to be (maybe my ass? Lol).
52- I've always wanted to be on The Real World. And The Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
53- I like cheese. (Cheddar, Mozzarella, Swiss. Muenster... The normal stuff... Dominican Cheese lol).
54- A vacation to me really isn't a vacation if it doesn't include "beach and party".
55- or a tan.
56- I like to dance merengue, bachata, and salsa.
57- I can't listen to perico ripiao/tipico without wanting (or needing) to dance it... Or atleast tap me feet to the beat and some shoulder bouncing lol.
58- Tipico is my favorite type of music.
59- I am terrified of heights but can't wait to go sky diving. I always said I need to sky dive before I get married, if I can jump off a plane then I can make it to the alter.
60- Big bodies of water scare me. The ocean is too mysterious.
61- I went snorkeling, saw a sting ray and swam back to shore in what is probably record time. (Bahamas ::smile::).
62- I've been to therapy before, and it helped. It was to help me get over my last relationship, the break up was not cool (another blog some other time).
63- I like The Golden Girls, King of the Hill, and Family Guy.
64- Cocoa Butter or Vaseline chap stick is a must by my night stand table (I've been told I have soft lips lol).
65- I am very much addicted to Chap stick.
66- I wash my panties when I shower.
67- I was checking out the boyfriend way before he approached me that night at the bar (hehe).
68- I am angry at a lot of things that have happened recently in my relationship with the boyfriend. I miss the drama free life with him.
69- I am allergic to cats.
70- I like horror/suspense movies.
71- Recently I have enjoyed zombie films (thank the boyfriend).
72- I drool in my sleep sometimes.
73- I had braces.
74- I was engaged.
75- Never been married.
76- I love to laugh.
77- I think shoes say a lot about a person.
78- I am glad Obama won this election. Being part of history is pretty cool.
79- I have been wearing the same perfume since the 7th grade. I would change it but one thing people always remember about me besides my eyes is how good I smell lol.
80- I am addicted to my blackberry.
81-Dealing with my mothers passing is something that I KNOW is going to destroy me.
82- I am a little sad pink berry no longer carries COFFEE ice cream.
83- I don't have a myspace page, avoid the drama.
84- I have a temper- I am hard headed.
85- I want to get laser eye surgery.
86- I think I am orally fixated (no nasties!!) I like to chew gum (green stride).
87- I want to travel the world- go everywhere at least once.
88- I have kissed my boss before.
89- On another incident was was harassed by my manager in his office (different job obviously).
90- I was recently booked a vacation get away to an exclusive resort and declined because I would have had to lie to the boyfriend about where I was- or told him the truth and deal with an ugly situation... and none of the above were ever really an option for me- although right now I wish I would have gone, that vacation was very well needed.
91- The most romantic date I have been taken on was horse back riding with the ex boyfriend.
92-When I go to a restaurant I order water, and it's not because I am cheap- it is my favorite beverage.
93- I am glad I got discharged from the military.
94- I am not in a good place in my life right now.
95- I was touched where I wasn't suppose to be by a distant family member when I was young- and the asshole has the nerve to still flirt with my in front of his significant other any time I see him. (Gotcha with this good one huh?)
96- I don't like people who aren't good competitors. Shit talkers get annoying.
97- I am not a soar loser. I know how to say sorry if I am wrong.
98- I hate the treadmill but I love to work out.
I can't believe I am almost done with this list!!!
99- I don't think I would look good with short hair.
100- For some reason- when flipping a coin I usually choose tails.
101- I am not good at writing (school was tough, writing papers and essays for exams...)

Wow... that was rough, I had writers block.

Getting Old

First off HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know some are wondering whats happening with the trouble in paradise- but as of right now I want to keep that part of my life PRIVATE.

Now on with the intended blog:

As confessed- this year I am really turning 25, not 21 for the fourth time.

There are some people that age gracefully, and others who don't. I have noticed that I am going to have a hard time with the things that come along with aging as oppose to embracing.
I have already noticed a few changes:

• I loose my voice after a night of dancing. (I don't drink or yell...)

• If I ever by mistake fall asleep without washing my face before bed after a night out I will have a friend on my face for a few days.

• I wake up to pee more at night.

• Hanging out after a night of dancing (grabbing a bite after the club?) is a no go for me.

• One Red Bull is almost always a must if I want to have the energy to enjoy the night.

What is there to look forward to after 25? SENIOR CITIZENSHIP! Discounts on Metro Cards, movie tickets, meals, theme park admissions, priority seating on the bus... SIGH. Luckily I look like I am 16 according to the security guard at the club. I guess I'll really learn to appreciate that later in life.

Which brings me to the following, how do you know you are too old to go clubbing?

• Is it when everyone else at the club could be old enough to be your child? (I see those all the time... We call them "cion papi's"). (Translation: Bless you Daddy, this is a way of greeting an elder- it sounds dirty lol but it really isn't).
  

• When you don't get I.D.ed anymore?

• When if you wear what's trendy you look ridiculous? Or better yet- you have to go shopping the day of because you don't own what's in? (And have no idea where to get it)

25- the age where certain things aren't cute anymore...
Its the age where if you do something stupid using the excuse "she/he is young, she/he is learning" might work, but not likely.

All my friends are having babies...
Some are married...
Some are getting divorced...
Where has time gone? I guess I've been too busy living to pay attention. This one has crept up on me.

Trouble in Paradise

It has been the second most heart breaking experience of my life.
The boyfriend has a best friend that lives in Canada. There was talk of this friend, we will call him bbff (boyfriends bff) moving to NY. When the talk of bbff moving to NY came about I asked where was he staying. The boyfriend said at our apt. Our apt is small. One bedroom. I disagreed with this and told the boyfriend. I mentioned that the boyfriends sister has a two bedroom apt- one which is empty.
The issue never came up again.
Early December I asked about the situation again. The boyfriend said he did not think bbff was coming anymore.
Monday morning the boyfriend calls me very excited about some news (I was at my moms house). He asked me to guess who showed up at our door that morning. This story wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't bbff...
I quickly asked where was bbff staying- the boyfriend said at our apartment.
I again, LOST IT.
I told the boyfriend it was wrong to tell bbff to stay at our small apartment without consulting me first and that I couldn't keep up with his fuck ups, I wanted OUT.
After asking if there was anything he could do he agreed, to me leaving the house so bbff could stay.
I guess that should have been my first clue.
I sat down, cried and thought... "I really love him, maybe there is something he could do... ask bbff to go to his sisters house like originally discussed."
I make my way to our apartment to find that in the 8 hrs the bbff has been at the apartment he has very much made himself at home. I had to take pictures because if I told anyone they would not have believed me.
My ironing board became a HAT RACK, 15 hats to be exact.
The window sill became a figure display case
So did our air conditioner
And our TV stand
And our fire place
He taped up a drawing on our wall
His stuff was in my closet
His calendar was placed OVER mine
I just mentioned the worst. My whole living room became his dresser drawer... In 8 hrs. NO WAY he was spending a guesstimate time at our place.

Little did I know this would have been just ONE of my worries

The boyfriend and I came to an agreement that he would have a week to get bbff situated somewhere else. That night I went out with Sassy Daisy and Son to a local bar and they DRANK ONE WITH ME- we drank some more and I vented, we even danced some bachata. I cried of coarse.
I tell them I do not want to be home alone so if by the time we get home the boys are not there to please stay with me. We arrived at 4:30- I am drunk and the boys are not home. I fell asleep, and the girls left. At 7 AM I get up and still no one home.

The boyfriend comes home at around 11 and asks me what my plans for the week that bbff is suppose to be at the apt are. I am a little confused... the boyfriend then stops beating around the bush and tells me he thought I understood that he wanted me to go to my moms house while bbff stayed at our apt that week- being that the tensions are running high.

To cut a long story short I fought him on this and in this saw a complete change in his attitude. He had enough of me- and this was pushing him away. The fact that I was not compromising in his eyes by leaving the house for the week was pushing him away. I've never seen that look in his eye with me, very disinterested. His verdict, if I didn't leave for the week then he was going to his moms house with bbff for the week. OUCH.

Should this have been my eye opener?

I decided to leave. I just couldn't any more, he fought me until the end with this and came out victorious. I left.

He told me he loved me and appreciated what I was going for him.

He talks to me different on the phone now when bbff is around.

Texts are a lot less frequent.

I mean I knew to expect this- with someone else around now he has an extra place for his attention to go. I don't deal with change well...

I apologized to the boyfriend for over reacting but explained I had a right to be upset. On New Years day I called the house phone to apologize to bbff for causing any discomfort but it was nothing personal against him- it was the miscommunication between the boyfriend and I- and the way the boyfriend has decided to handle the situation.

I've been wanting to talk to him about the things bothering me but every time I bring it up he says I am making something out of nothing or isn't really listening. This isn't like him, he is usually my outlet and my outlet is NOT available anymore.

This in turn has made me look for comfort somewhere else.

I have been talking to my cousin down in FL a lot, he is younger then I am but am amazed at how much good advice he has had to offer. We will call him Outlet.

I've been feeling bad about how everything has played out- this is not the kind of relationship the boyfriend and I have. My little sister complains about how much he and I spend talking on the phone- and we live together. I've been down these past few days. My breaking point: a male friend saw a difference in me, and sat me down for a talk- and LISTENED... and at the end he just gave me a hug, not just any hug- but a HUG... and I melted.

::PUMP THE BREAKS::

Another man is doing to me what I need the boyfriend to do and I do not know how else to cry for help. I have tried talking to him and it just turns into a "turning nothing into something... looking for problems where there are none" thing.

Side note: The dog is snoring as I type this and I think it is funny.

Back on track:
Text convo with Outlet
Outlet: Whats good champ how's everything
Me: I don't know man. He's changed.
Outlet: What's he up to that has you talking like that
Me: The way he talks to me. Every time I say something he doesn't listen like he used to, instead he now retaliates that I am looking for something where there is nothing.
Outlet: Well are you probing with questions? What's making him say that?
Me: I can't even say anything about the situation without him saying something. And we need to talk about it. I have been gone for 5 hours and not one text.
Outlet: Let it breath. The more u read into it the worse it'll get. Take this time to give him space because without thinking space its going to bring it to square one. Let it ride for a day and wait till he is ready.
Me: I just get frustrated- that he denies the change. I need him right now- I'm feeling very vulnerable.
Outlet: You are only feeling that way because you are at a state of discomfort. You have to mellow yourself out the more u become analytical the worse ur gonna make urself feel. Remember its just a phase its nothing serious. U don't want to turn it into something it is not.
Me: What do you suggest I do? I'm not comfortable with this change in him. I don't want him to think it is okay. That is not the person I fell in love with.
Outlet: Yeah but remember everything happens for a reason. I suggest you let things happen. The WORST thing you can do is try to change someone. If he changed it is because he wants to so you have to let him make that call on his own. Till then keep your mind preoccupied. Trust it'll get back to normal. I don't feel you have anything to worry about.
Me: I am broken man.
Outlet: I know how you feel. The best remedy to that is to take this time to realize that the boyfriend isn't the only thing you have to smile about. Don't let your life revolve around him. *End of convo*

What hit home was the if he is changing then let him change bit. Holy shit that was a reality check. Anyone who knows me knows I speak my mind especially when it is something that pertains to me. This was very much pertaining to me and my emotions so I couldn't take Outlets advice and let it ride.

I called the boyfriend.

I told him exactly what is on this blog, short recap of my side of the conversation:
- always asking me for examples of how he has changed- I used the conversation we had prior, along with the hours of no texting when he was at home doing nothing.
- a result of me trying to give him his space when I needed to talk because he has something to say any time I bring it up is me looking for comfort elsewhere and I don't want that to happen.
- I asked him to listen to me as a friend speaking to another about this problem I am having instead of the annoying girlfriend who just won't let the shit go. (and he did).
He finally admitted that the conversation was weird- that he has been having a little trouble paying attention lately, that it isn't just me.
He asked if I was trying to break up with him with this conversation, the he asked for me not to be heading there- things were going to get better.
Thats the convo in a nutshell...

I just can't help but think with bbff around- things are not going to go back to the way they were. And I miss him, tremendously. I want my best friend back.