It has been the second most heart breaking experience of my life.
The boyfriend has a best friend that lives in Canada. There was talk of this friend, we will call him bbff (boyfriends bff) moving to NY. When the talk of bbff moving to NY came about I asked where was he staying. The boyfriend said at our apt. Our apt is small. One bedroom. I disagreed with this and told the boyfriend. I mentioned that the boyfriends sister has a two bedroom apt- one which is empty.
The issue never came up again.
Early December I asked about the situation again. The boyfriend said he did not think bbff was coming anymore.
Monday morning the boyfriend calls me very excited about some news (I was at my moms house). He asked me to guess who showed up at our door that morning. This story wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't bbff...
I quickly asked where was bbff staying- the boyfriend said at our apartment.
I again, LOST IT.
I told the boyfriend it was wrong to tell bbff to stay at our small apartment without consulting me first and that I couldn't keep up with his fuck ups, I wanted OUT.
After asking if there was anything he could do he agreed, to me leaving the house so bbff could stay.
I guess that should have been my first clue.
I sat down, cried and thought... "I really love him, maybe there is something he could do... ask bbff to go to his sisters house like originally discussed."
I make my way to our apartment to find that in the 8 hrs the bbff has been at the apartment he has very much made himself at home. I had to take pictures because if I told anyone they would not have believed me.
My ironing board became a HAT RACK, 15 hats to be exact.
The window sill became a figure display case
So did our air conditioner
And our TV stand
And our fire place
He taped up a drawing on our wall
His stuff was in my closet
His calendar was placed OVER mine
I just mentioned the worst. My whole living room became his dresser drawer... In 8 hrs. NO WAY he was spending a guesstimate time at our place.
Little did I know this would have been just ONE of my worries
The boyfriend and I came to an agreement that he would have a week to get bbff situated somewhere else. That night I went out with Sassy Daisy and Son to a local bar and they DRANK ONE WITH ME- we drank some more and I vented, we even danced some bachata. I cried of coarse.
I tell them I do not want to be home alone so if by the time we get home the boys are not there to please stay with me. We arrived at 4:30- I am drunk and the boys are not home. I fell asleep, and the girls left. At 7 AM I get up and still no one home.
The boyfriend comes home at around 11 and asks me what my plans for the week that bbff is suppose to be at the apt are. I am a little confused... the boyfriend then stops beating around the bush and tells me he thought I understood that he wanted me to go to my moms house while bbff stayed at our apt that week- being that the tensions are running high.
To cut a long story short I fought him on this and in this saw a complete change in his attitude. He had enough of me- and this was pushing him away. The fact that I was not compromising in his eyes by leaving the house for the week was pushing him away. I've never seen that look in his eye with me, very disinterested. His verdict, if I didn't leave for the week then he was going to his moms house with bbff for the week. OUCH.
Should this have been my eye opener?
I decided to leave. I just couldn't any more, he fought me until the end with this and came out victorious. I left.
He told me he loved me and appreciated what I was going for him.
He talks to me different on the phone now when bbff is around.
Texts are a lot less frequent.
I mean I knew to expect this- with someone else around now he has an extra place for his attention to go. I don't deal with change well...
I apologized to the boyfriend for over reacting but explained I had a right to be upset. On New Years day I called the house phone to apologize to bbff for causing any discomfort but it was nothing personal against him- it was the miscommunication between the boyfriend and I- and the way the boyfriend has decided to handle the situation.
I've been wanting to talk to him about the things bothering me but every time I bring it up he says I am making something out of nothing or isn't really listening. This isn't like him, he is usually my outlet and my outlet is NOT available anymore.
This in turn has made me look for comfort somewhere else.
I have been talking to my cousin down in FL a lot, he is younger then I am but am amazed at how much good advice he has had to offer. We will call him Outlet.
I've been feeling bad about how everything has played out- this is not the kind of relationship the boyfriend and I have. My little sister complains about how much he and I spend talking on the phone- and we live together. I've been down these past few days. My breaking point: a male friend saw a difference in me, and sat me down for a talk- and LISTENED... and at the end he just gave me a hug, not just any hug- but a HUG... and I melted.
::PUMP THE BREAKS::
Another man is doing to me what I need the boyfriend to do and I do not know how else to cry for help. I have tried talking to him and it just turns into a "turning nothing into something... looking for problems where there are none" thing.
Side note: The dog is snoring as I type this and I think it is funny.
Back on track:
Text convo with Outlet
Outlet: Whats good champ how's everything
Me: I don't know man. He's changed.
Outlet: What's he up to that has you talking like that
Me: The way he talks to me. Every time I say something he doesn't listen like he used to, instead he now retaliates that I am looking for something where there is nothing.
Outlet: Well are you probing with questions? What's making him say that?
Me: I can't even say anything about the situation without him saying something. And we need to talk about it. I have been gone for 5 hours and not one text.
Outlet: Let it breath. The more u read into it the worse it'll get. Take this time to give him space because without thinking space its going to bring it to square one. Let it ride for a day and wait till he is ready.
Me: I just get frustrated- that he denies the change. I need him right now- I'm feeling very vulnerable.
Outlet: You are only feeling that way because you are at a state of discomfort. You have to mellow yourself out the more u become analytical the worse ur gonna make urself feel. Remember its just a phase its nothing serious. U don't want to turn it into something it is not.
Me: What do you suggest I do? I'm not comfortable with this change in him. I don't want him to think it is okay. That is not the person I fell in love with.
Outlet: Yeah but remember everything happens for a reason. I suggest you let things happen. The WORST thing you can do is try to change someone. If he changed it is because he wants to so you have to let him make that call on his own. Till then keep your mind preoccupied. Trust it'll get back to normal. I don't feel you have anything to worry about.
Me: I am broken man.
Outlet: I know how you feel. The best remedy to that is to take this time to realize that the boyfriend isn't the only thing you have to smile about. Don't let your life revolve around him. *End of convo*
What hit home was the if he is changing then let him change bit. Holy shit that was a reality check. Anyone who knows me knows I speak my mind especially when it is something that pertains to me. This was very much pertaining to me and my emotions so I couldn't take Outlets advice and let it ride.
I called the boyfriend.
I told him exactly what is on this blog, short recap of my side of the conversation:
- always asking me for examples of how he has changed- I used the conversation we had prior, along with the hours of no texting when he was at home doing nothing.
- a result of me trying to give him his space when I needed to talk because he has something to say any time I bring it up is me looking for comfort elsewhere and I don't want that to happen.
- I asked him to listen to me as a friend speaking to another about this problem I am having instead of the annoying girlfriend who just won't let the shit go. (and he did).
He finally admitted that the conversation was weird- that he has been having a little trouble paying attention lately, that it isn't just me.
He asked if I was trying to break up with him with this conversation, the he asked for me not to be heading there- things were going to get better.
Thats the convo in a nutshell...
I just can't help but think with bbff around- things are not going to go back to the way they were. And I miss him, tremendously. I want my best friend back.
The boyfriend has a best friend that lives in Canada. There was talk of this friend, we will call him bbff (boyfriends bff) moving to NY. When the talk of bbff moving to NY came about I asked where was he staying. The boyfriend said at our apt. Our apt is small. One bedroom. I disagreed with this and told the boyfriend. I mentioned that the boyfriends sister has a two bedroom apt- one which is empty.
The issue never came up again.
Early December I asked about the situation again. The boyfriend said he did not think bbff was coming anymore.
Monday morning the boyfriend calls me very excited about some news (I was at my moms house). He asked me to guess who showed up at our door that morning. This story wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't bbff...
I quickly asked where was bbff staying- the boyfriend said at our apartment.
I again, LOST IT.
I told the boyfriend it was wrong to tell bbff to stay at our small apartment without consulting me first and that I couldn't keep up with his fuck ups, I wanted OUT.
After asking if there was anything he could do he agreed, to me leaving the house so bbff could stay.
I guess that should have been my first clue.
I sat down, cried and thought... "I really love him, maybe there is something he could do... ask bbff to go to his sisters house like originally discussed."
I make my way to our apartment to find that in the 8 hrs the bbff has been at the apartment he has very much made himself at home. I had to take pictures because if I told anyone they would not have believed me.
My ironing board became a HAT RACK, 15 hats to be exact.
The window sill became a figure display case
So did our air conditioner
And our TV stand
And our fire place
He taped up a drawing on our wall
His stuff was in my closet
His calendar was placed OVER mine
I just mentioned the worst. My whole living room became his dresser drawer... In 8 hrs. NO WAY he was spending a guesstimate time at our place.
Little did I know this would have been just ONE of my worries
The boyfriend and I came to an agreement that he would have a week to get bbff situated somewhere else. That night I went out with Sassy Daisy and Son to a local bar and they DRANK ONE WITH ME- we drank some more and I vented, we even danced some bachata. I cried of coarse.
I tell them I do not want to be home alone so if by the time we get home the boys are not there to please stay with me. We arrived at 4:30- I am drunk and the boys are not home. I fell asleep, and the girls left. At 7 AM I get up and still no one home.
The boyfriend comes home at around 11 and asks me what my plans for the week that bbff is suppose to be at the apt are. I am a little confused... the boyfriend then stops beating around the bush and tells me he thought I understood that he wanted me to go to my moms house while bbff stayed at our apt that week- being that the tensions are running high.
To cut a long story short I fought him on this and in this saw a complete change in his attitude. He had enough of me- and this was pushing him away. The fact that I was not compromising in his eyes by leaving the house for the week was pushing him away. I've never seen that look in his eye with me, very disinterested. His verdict, if I didn't leave for the week then he was going to his moms house with bbff for the week. OUCH.
Should this have been my eye opener?
I decided to leave. I just couldn't any more, he fought me until the end with this and came out victorious. I left.
He told me he loved me and appreciated what I was going for him.
He talks to me different on the phone now when bbff is around.
Texts are a lot less frequent.
I mean I knew to expect this- with someone else around now he has an extra place for his attention to go. I don't deal with change well...
I apologized to the boyfriend for over reacting but explained I had a right to be upset. On New Years day I called the house phone to apologize to bbff for causing any discomfort but it was nothing personal against him- it was the miscommunication between the boyfriend and I- and the way the boyfriend has decided to handle the situation.
I've been wanting to talk to him about the things bothering me but every time I bring it up he says I am making something out of nothing or isn't really listening. This isn't like him, he is usually my outlet and my outlet is NOT available anymore.
This in turn has made me look for comfort somewhere else.
I have been talking to my cousin down in FL a lot, he is younger then I am but am amazed at how much good advice he has had to offer. We will call him Outlet.
I've been feeling bad about how everything has played out- this is not the kind of relationship the boyfriend and I have. My little sister complains about how much he and I spend talking on the phone- and we live together. I've been down these past few days. My breaking point: a male friend saw a difference in me, and sat me down for a talk- and LISTENED... and at the end he just gave me a hug, not just any hug- but a HUG... and I melted.
::PUMP THE BREAKS::
Another man is doing to me what I need the boyfriend to do and I do not know how else to cry for help. I have tried talking to him and it just turns into a "turning nothing into something... looking for problems where there are none" thing.
Side note: The dog is snoring as I type this and I think it is funny.
Back on track:
Text convo with Outlet
Outlet: Whats good champ how's everything
Me: I don't know man. He's changed.
Outlet: What's he up to that has you talking like that
Me: The way he talks to me. Every time I say something he doesn't listen like he used to, instead he now retaliates that I am looking for something where there is nothing.
Outlet: Well are you probing with questions? What's making him say that?
Me: I can't even say anything about the situation without him saying something. And we need to talk about it. I have been gone for 5 hours and not one text.
Outlet: Let it breath. The more u read into it the worse it'll get. Take this time to give him space because without thinking space its going to bring it to square one. Let it ride for a day and wait till he is ready.
Me: I just get frustrated- that he denies the change. I need him right now- I'm feeling very vulnerable.
Outlet: You are only feeling that way because you are at a state of discomfort. You have to mellow yourself out the more u become analytical the worse ur gonna make urself feel. Remember its just a phase its nothing serious. U don't want to turn it into something it is not.
Me: What do you suggest I do? I'm not comfortable with this change in him. I don't want him to think it is okay. That is not the person I fell in love with.
Outlet: Yeah but remember everything happens for a reason. I suggest you let things happen. The WORST thing you can do is try to change someone. If he changed it is because he wants to so you have to let him make that call on his own. Till then keep your mind preoccupied. Trust it'll get back to normal. I don't feel you have anything to worry about.
Me: I am broken man.
Outlet: I know how you feel. The best remedy to that is to take this time to realize that the boyfriend isn't the only thing you have to smile about. Don't let your life revolve around him. *End of convo*
What hit home was the if he is changing then let him change bit. Holy shit that was a reality check. Anyone who knows me knows I speak my mind especially when it is something that pertains to me. This was very much pertaining to me and my emotions so I couldn't take Outlets advice and let it ride.
I called the boyfriend.
I told him exactly what is on this blog, short recap of my side of the conversation:
- always asking me for examples of how he has changed- I used the conversation we had prior, along with the hours of no texting when he was at home doing nothing.
- a result of me trying to give him his space when I needed to talk because he has something to say any time I bring it up is me looking for comfort elsewhere and I don't want that to happen.
- I asked him to listen to me as a friend speaking to another about this problem I am having instead of the annoying girlfriend who just won't let the shit go. (and he did).
He finally admitted that the conversation was weird- that he has been having a little trouble paying attention lately, that it isn't just me.
He asked if I was trying to break up with him with this conversation, the he asked for me not to be heading there- things were going to get better.
Thats the convo in a nutshell...
I just can't help but think with bbff around- things are not going to go back to the way they were. And I miss him, tremendously. I want my best friend back.
5 comments:
wait a minute... you had to leave your apartment because his friend was going to stay there for a week???
WTF?? couldn't he sleep on the couch? I don't understand.
how have you been dealing with this? I would have been in jail already, you poor thing
The best friend was sleeping on the couch- I was asked to leave because there was tension and the best friend didn't feel comfortable, and neither did the boyfriend...
*savinu
bueeeno...
-SassyDaisy
Oooh ... I'd still be mad. Boo. You guys doing any better?
*Bon Don*
wtf. wtf. wtf.
THIS IS SOME SERIOUS SHIZ
How are you?
What's the latest. I know there's more. Cough it up.
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